broken wings.

so i started working on the first weekend of july. i had troubles with the management to confirm my earning money days, i settled in for weekends for now. haa, not that bad i managed pretty well i guess in allocating the products only im lacking certain knowledge about cleaning products. i could do with the technical stuff more or less, the mechanic job really paid off. a one or two mishaps on my first day, take it easy mate its my first day here. i have yet to encounter troubles with customers but i hope ill be on form and consistent throughout my contract with HomeFix. oh yes.

that aside. im actually having troubles with courses/modules registration. again i must emphasize that i have myself to blame for not working my brains off. now i have to restart planning again. how can all the modules be taken up so quickly, cannot be the influx of foreign talent right. hope i can talk to Carol and hopefully something good would come up. university education especially in ntu is. really. a pain. in the.

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by all means necessary.

the heavy comms. the sweat the sunk heart, home but its always the driven mind driving the boots on every step to complete the mission. call it lunatic but they wont stop till its over. army rangers hooah.

i have so much to blog about. but now i need sleep.

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tennis.

im caught in a mishap. mishap that i have myself to be responsible of. although i might find it hard to do i will still have to pay the price for what i have done. lifes been normal so far only that i still dwell on my weaknesses and failures. which dwelling, by itself is a flaw. i tried to keep my mind occupied. got to straightened up my goals again and again. i recently joined (and hopefully be consistent) in a running group which i can maintain and improve my cruise control on foot. and school and a part time job which starts in about 15 hours time.

at least keeps my mind occupied. sometimes the goals just fade away with my plans all screwing up. dont blame anyone. blame myself for the screw up. dwelling and procrastination two of my baddest habits.

and that is why i restarting this journal of mine. at least it keeps my mind occupied.

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energetically.

ssup. i have not really raked my guts to write. when i had the time, i forgot about my dear blog. i have been keeping myself, my mind actually, occupied with the fact that i screw up school so much i prolly be better off in the army. i have been incredulously buying military books to sustain this deprivation of daydream onslaught. which might not come true after all as i always act on impulse where the graph shoots up and then goes stagnant. im like that. and its a pretty bad habit.

i do not wish to blame school, to blame anyone of my shortcomings. no use regretting as i dwell too much on my desires of this world. i ran too much. i spent too much. its july now bro.

get on with it.

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lead the way.

it is official. i am broke. my pocket holes are burnt. i have an exam tomorrow which i cant find myself indulging in revision. the future looks bleak to me. i keep getting beaten up mentally. the drive is insanely out of steer. i have been much of a devil. sleeping eating. the weather is getting warmer, feels like sauna in the living room, which in turns vaporizing my brain juices. vibrations is hard indeed i am feeling so lazy.

i cannot find my purpose anymore for school. i end up getting (F)abulous grades. giving up is always an open option but its a sin to ring the bell. life is hard. it has always been. i always lose opportunity. NTU is a gritting teeth school. you either keep chase or lose out. i am at the drowning phase.

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mentos.

i just had an overdose of mentos without me realising. im doing it again. after every semester, after every failures. tsk. its a habit inculcate in me since secondary i supposed. i am lagging of so much modules.

so many mosquitoes here.

collecting your jar of hearts.

maddi jane is simply awesome. school is so troublesome. my friends going to get some after his sundays wedding. i will come. dont get me wrong, i am attending his historical moment in life. how i wish it was me instead of me eh. shabeer. the time will arrive.

okay i just realised ntu library website. the books. you can view it in pdf format, only that one cannot save it for personal use. unless i am very hardworking i can write all of them in my black book.

uhibbu lughatul arabiyya. and im back 2011.

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