broken wings.

so i started working on the first weekend of july. i had troubles with the management to confirm my earning money days, i settled in for weekends for now. haa, not that bad i managed pretty well i guess in allocating the products only im lacking certain knowledge about cleaning products. i could do with the technical stuff more or less, the mechanic job really paid off. a one or two mishaps on my first day, take it easy mate its my first day here. i have yet to encounter troubles with customers but i hope ill be on form and consistent throughout my contract with HomeFix. oh yes.

that aside. im actually having troubles with courses/modules registration. again i must emphasize that i have myself to blame for not working my brains off. now i have to restart planning again. how can all the modules be taken up so quickly, cannot be the influx of foreign talent right. hope i can talk to Carol and hopefully something good would come up. university education especially in ntu is. really. a pain. in the.

Spread the Peace

by all means necessary.

the heavy comms. the sweat the sunk heart, home but its always the driven mind driving the boots on every step to complete the mission. call it lunatic but they wont stop till its over. army rangers hooah.

i have so much to blog about. but now i need sleep.

Spread the Peace

tennis.

im caught in a mishap. mishap that i have myself to be responsible of. although i might find it hard to do i will still have to pay the price for what i have done. lifes been normal so far only that i still dwell on my weaknesses and failures. which dwelling, by itself is a flaw. i tried to keep my mind occupied. got to straightened up my goals again and again. i recently joined (and hopefully be consistent) in a running group which i can maintain and improve my cruise control on foot. and school and a part time job which starts in about 15 hours time.

at least keeps my mind occupied. sometimes the goals just fade away with my plans all screwing up. dont blame anyone. blame myself for the screw up. dwelling and procrastination two of my baddest habits.

and that is why i restarting this journal of mine. at least it keeps my mind occupied.

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energetically.

ssup. i have not really raked my guts to write. when i had the time, i forgot about my dear blog. i have been keeping myself, my mind actually, occupied with the fact that i screw up school so much i prolly be better off in the army. i have been incredulously buying military books to sustain this deprivation of daydream onslaught. which might not come true after all as i always act on impulse where the graph shoots up and then goes stagnant. im like that. and its a pretty bad habit.

i do not wish to blame school, to blame anyone of my shortcomings. no use regretting as i dwell too much on my desires of this world. i ran too much. i spent too much. its july now bro.

get on with it.

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lead the way.

it is official. i am broke. my pocket holes are burnt. i have an exam tomorrow which i cant find myself indulging in revision. the future looks bleak to me. i keep getting beaten up mentally. the drive is insanely out of steer. i have been much of a devil. sleeping eating. the weather is getting warmer, feels like sauna in the living room, which in turns vaporizing my brain juices. vibrations is hard indeed i am feeling so lazy.

i cannot find my purpose anymore for school. i end up getting (F)abulous grades. giving up is always an open option but its a sin to ring the bell. life is hard. it has always been. i always lose opportunity. NTU is a gritting teeth school. you either keep chase or lose out. i am at the drowning phase.

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mentos.

i just had an overdose of mentos without me realising. im doing it again. after every semester, after every failures. tsk. its a habit inculcate in me since secondary i supposed. i am lagging of so much modules.

so many mosquitoes here.

collecting your jar of hearts.

maddi jane is simply awesome. school is so troublesome. my friends going to get some after his sundays wedding. i will come. dont get me wrong, i am attending his historical moment in life. how i wish it was me instead of me eh. shabeer. the time will arrive.

okay i just realised ntu library website. the books. you can view it in pdf format, only that one cannot save it for personal use. unless i am very hardworking i can write all of them in my black book.

uhibbu lughatul arabiyya. and im back 2011.

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im a creep.

i can't find my faith to do anything. i am not advancing neither is my money. i never told all but i bought a camera out of the schools offer. and now everyone knows. however, i cannot believe some would take advantage of it. living in singapore is desperate afterall. earning 200 dollars a day is still isnt enough.

world is full of temptations. i cannot resist. the technology advances and it makes people powerful which makes me forget of the truth. is it hard to believe that there is much more powerful being than us humans. i pray that Allah save us all, open our hearts and do not let the truth go to waste. heavens awaits for the believers.

i need to buck up. im all about games since i quitted putzmeister.

Peace

empty.

i missed writing. writing to console myself. writing to endorse being a human. nothings much really. what i have earned i spent all. im such a loser, listening, pleasing my desires. it is a strong being in there controlling me. i have no armour. my heart is bare being attacked tremendously. i have my mind to execute a no go. and yet the heart keeps pumping harder and failed too many times.

yeahp.

first up. i had three straight red bulls for today. been not sleeping for 36 hours now. imma so high i can kill a bird. what is up with girls, ladies buying cigarettes in the mornengh 7 11. three in a row queuing for them packs. them unhealthy for bearing kids in their tummy. plus i think we should have lesser reflective walls or signs mannn. big time vainer society.

guess what. the 4 months holidays are in and i need a job.

Peace

insanity.

it is driving me. it is driving me to work harder. i cannot fail you mother.

Peace

here we go boys.

well good luck to me.

Peace

i cry when angels deserve to die.

i could not run any faster. my feet felt numb, but i kept on going to finish another ten rounds. i keep forcing my stride higher so that i can go faster. there is something pulling me back to the ground i feel like quitting.

i cannot do anything. my belief to achieve is far. i am still breathing. i lay motionless on this chair with papers of fake scribblings. my brain is dead.

Peace

on the double.

i find myself lazy to write, everyday. there are a lot of thoughts in me that were supposed to pen down. at least it will give me smiles ten years down the road. i have been balding badly enough, the opacity of my head is getting clearer day by day. EID is being worse than a bitch, i need to complete at least the frame to move along the toilet seat. hey at least im proud doing my project, it teaches me something every single time i think of toilets. today was quite blatant i supposed. the weather is getting more or less like Brunei, having mood swings; thunderstorms out of the blue.

i cranked up my running routine now, trying to clock faster timing for the distance. i hope Ford could help with that. the tenth of April will be IPPT, hoping it could top up my savings and then we, Ford and me could at least have a celebration drink. only that ill be having plain water.

i met my 2IC recently, he was taking part-time masters, was planning to pursue full-time study next year onwards, masters, pHD etc. well, guess he's hanging his green uniform, life in army is shiet. i feel you Captain. i wish him all the best. guess students will never ever have the thought that he was a prestigious Infantry Officer. well Sir, hope you become some professor some day, and build some massive weapons for our defense ay?

i actually kinda miss this space. i miss wearing green though. i dont know why this feeling. cheeeeeep.

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disease.

this laziness is a disease in me. i am so lacking of motivation. the fire to burn on revision. i am left with 8 weeks to exams, dammit.

Peace

all i want to do is fly.

a lot lot lot lot lot lot things running in my head consecutively, making me stone. why not blog, i am fighting procrastination by doing something. i have wasted 1 hour just now staring at the wall. another 30 mins watching youtube and youtube is awesome. it is like cable teevee, anything and everything under the sun.

anyway, i woke up late for project meet up, a leader. waking. up. late. how bad does that reflect me. ah, i have to improve on my sleeping timings and my eating habits which reminded me, i had 2 servings of fried bee hoon just before i log on to blogger.

3 quizzes in the coming week. cool or what. project and project and project and project and project.

call me up for reservists. seriously.

Peace

so long ah.

it has been a while since i write nonsense on this ancient blog of mine. it is already the second month of 2010 and the world is spinning at faster rate as the weeks passed. so i have to get a load off my chest for a bit before i resume with tutorials that i have been lagging with. i will not whine too long. or rant too much.

first and foremost i screwed up my first semester. all the xbox fault lah. haha, pardon me. anyway, looking forward, i have plentiful modules to be completed if i were to graduate in 3 years time. but with the pace i am having; retaking all my failed modules, i prolly have to go for one more semester or prolly the whole year to complete a full degree.

aiya. i dont know. for now i am trying very hard to study. if only the computer and internet did not exist today, studying will be like facebook. why cant facebook provide tutorials. hello, im an addict.

Peace

manufactured.

i have to get this load off somehow. exams are halfway through, today was pretty hard to conform. after three blows of examination im finally settling into having the sense of being intimidated by the papers. i feel like im spanked hard on the face for not putting a lot more effort. i am me. i do not take stress seriously, if it comes ill pass it on to my games and military novels.

today was quite bleah. nahhh i didnt wake up early to meet buddies for last second revision. yet i was greeted by students, excited over their last paper as i exited my bus towards the exam hall. fuck you, a little bit of consideration would help my morale in surviving the next two and a half hours in the freezing cold examination hall. oh great i am in the first row. i was thinking of cheating hoping that my notes would be invisible, tough luck, there was this camera 45 degrees staring at me blankly. i was wondering who would be watching me struggling my nerves out behind those lenses. to make it worst, invigilators are directly infront of me, grinning. seems students keep walking in and out to the toilet, i assume they are looking for answers ay? anyway. anyway. the best of all is me darting blankly at this particular question, while Sherwood(the lecturer for the module) is on my 12 looking down on me.

looking down on me. oh yes i was down, but lets hope for the best. three more papers to go.

Peace

i want to buy GTR.

credits to fahn togel. the lecturer that took care of me for 3 years is now a millionaire. he was sort of the care person to a small class of students which included me throughout my time in polytechnic. coincidentally, he was my supervisor for my final year project. which is cool shiznit. well, i could guess from the image above, his road to millionaire was part of my group effort in developing his idea of bone scaffolding. we fabricated a plate and an extruder to protrude out filaments that will make the product. we scored well for it. guess our group sleepless night paid off and did him proud. look at how wide his smile is.

go here to find out more about the product we used to work on.

Peace

get some.

i cannot study whole day dawg. it just that when i come to a certain question that is pretty hard, ill stone. stone includes long hours of sleep. i have less than 25 days till exams. dude, im not too prep up for D-Day. hols shiznits the blood flow constricts every time my mind think of it. how do them graduates survive this mental tenure. i do not mean to exaggerate but its putting a bullet through the brains, splattering juices. God help me. i know its a bit tight, but i need my heart and mind to focus now. i do not wish to repeat Brunei man.

oh my i miss the whole fcuking platoon 2. them PAC warriors yo.

Peace