Peace

im so pressured now. if i never gets it done. im screwed. ahh. im so screwed, i want to screw you. crap lah. why me? why me. i thought im gon have an easy life in army. i find that its worse than completing sip/mp during poly and taking o levels. my mind is blowing up now. time check: 1359hrs.

isnt it better to have one?

Peace

oh dear. i just realised its been a month im in there. that is fast. and soon the year will end. 2007 filled with memories man. graduation. ns. bmt. botak. wow. a whole lot of memorable happenings in life this year.

nothing much happened this weekend. gots relatives still visiting the house. which is cool. so i can interact more with whats going outside the jungle. and i dislike talking about army. its not that i hate it, i don want to think about it. hows that? anyway i think im having flu.

its a sunday dude. i got to book in.

Peace

when the parachutes bloom, like flowers in the sky.

its a demoralizing fact to enter ocs. i knew it the very first day even before i entered. i know im gon get screwed top down left right. but hey to be the best you gots to be treated the worst. oh yep fyi im from alpha wing, and when you tell peeps(who knew well about the different wings) that youre from alpha. they will give you the shocking look with shaking heads. and the "oh no!" then, they will tap your shoulder and 'all the best to you' greets. all in all, them cadets of ocs should know stories of alpha and the instructors(ohmy). and im beginning one chapter of it. probably the first few paragraphs. you know what, bmt was like only sweat. ocs is like bloody and sweaty. i guess its all good yo. they training me to be a better gentleman so that i can treat girls right. hoho.

so the week was filled with trying out our primary and a support weapon and and some demos . thats the only cool thing about army. you gots to try out the different gunnerys and gears. i think i look almost like eric bana in black hawk down when i had the battle goggles on. haha. and the other cool thing is you gots to simulate operations; which will be somewhere long long down the lane. flanking defending and stuffs. woo. ok enough about army stuffs. im keeping a personal written journal for the stuffs i did. i could not have it typed out here. its restricted and i might get jailed.

so i dont really feel the hari raya season this year. last week i almost slept in most of my good old relatives' houses. training really stinks. anyway, them cakes and biscuits were suprisingly tasty. and rendang. oh my goodness. and yep to see pretty cousins kept me awake for a bit before i doze off again. ahh. and hey i still get green packets yo. woohoo. other than that. i miss adoring her(who?). and i miss graffiti. i miss it so much im buying whole lots of graphotism to camp.

my weekends will be so precious now. every minute of it. freedom is a constraint. and i have 27 hours 30 minutes till book in. =((

i need sleep.

Peace

dude night vision goggles is the ish! shoot at that p*kimak!

Peace

and finally im home. after 3 great weeks, i could kiss the white tiles of my room. and about the past 3 weeks? everyday is about pressure. everyday the brain nerves get stiff. everyday is laundry. everyday is running and more running. everyday there will be endless sweat. and its only the third week. and it was my first book out today.

every morning, before first light. i had always contemplated. why the crap i chose to be here. why am i wasting my time with the turnouts. the stress level is high man. i will always be in a rush. i cannot waste time. i cant afford to. and when i have to, i already dozed off preparing for the strenuous schedule next day. i had thought of quitting. maybe i already did. the word kept buzzing in this shallow mind of me. yes i have no motivation. my confidence level is low. my morale went rock bottom. i never did realise the rationale of me serving the nation as a foot soldier. i never do understand. why am i being treated like this.

somehow, one fine day it struck me just like that. a group of primary school students having their excursion tour around safti. their smiles and waves to us really means so much. my anxiety, fear and fatigue went gone just like that when they came passing by in their school bus with all smiles and hands in the air waving at us in full battle order during training. i realised it now. for us to defend the livelihood. for us to defend the very best things in life. and every time i get screwed real bad from the instructors, i would think of the smiling school children and not to ever let them crying stranded in a blown off town. i will try really hard to stay on now.

my stay in.

the school.

and i love you mom.

selamat hari raya.

Peace

we upgraded to white polos. that means we get to taste shit often. oh mannn. anyway, its tuesday today. then itll be wednesday then thursday. then friday! yay.

commanders parade was the highlight of the day. stand and stand and stand. 2 hours straight up.

Peace

everyones morale is sky high today. my mom is visiting me today. its family day! im gon hug her till she chokes.

Peace

everytime the cookhouse airs hari raya songs during them break fast. i almost teared mayne. i kept holding back the tears and my eyes will always be reddened. i miss mom so much. its the last week of ramadhan i be at home helping her spring clean the house and wash the kitchen till it shines new. oh man. i miss you very much dear mother. its quite fortunate to have a computer in our room. guess this be the medium ill share my hardships in here. hmm.

the nations call is a priority now.

Peace

oh yep im doing ok. still in camp. i wish hari raya was tomorrow.

Peace