and finally im home. after 3 great weeks, i could kiss the white tiles of my room. and about the past 3 weeks? everyday is about pressure. everyday the brain nerves get stiff. everyday is laundry. everyday is running and more running. everyday there will be endless sweat. and its only the third week. and it was my first book out today.

every morning, before first light. i had always contemplated. why the crap i chose to be here. why am i wasting my time with the turnouts. the stress level is high man. i will always be in a rush. i cannot waste time. i cant afford to. and when i have to, i already dozed off preparing for the strenuous schedule next day. i had thought of quitting. maybe i already did. the word kept buzzing in this shallow mind of me. yes i have no motivation. my confidence level is low. my morale went rock bottom. i never did realise the rationale of me serving the nation as a foot soldier. i never do understand. why am i being treated like this.

somehow, one fine day it struck me just like that. a group of primary school students having their excursion tour around safti. their smiles and waves to us really means so much. my anxiety, fear and fatigue went gone just like that when they came passing by in their school bus with all smiles and hands in the air waving at us in full battle order during training. i realised it now. for us to defend the livelihood. for us to defend the very best things in life. and every time i get screwed real bad from the instructors, i would think of the smiling school children and not to ever let them crying stranded in a blown off town. i will try really hard to stay on now.

my stay in.

the school.

and i love you mom.

selamat hari raya.

Peace